How to build confidence and self esteem (& why it's important)?

We are all born into this world as happy, innocent babies expecting to be loved and receive love - just as we are.  But somewhere along the way, this perception of ourselves often gets eroded and we start to think less of ourselves.  This affects us every day, in the choices we make, in the thoughts that we think and the actions we take.  Our self esteem, or lack of, simply runs the show.

We are all born as happy, loveable children. So why have we changed?

So what is self esteem?  

Well it looks different for everyone, however it’s fundamentally what we think and feel about ourselves and the labels we attach to ourselves.  Can you recall at time (maybe it’s daily) where you say to yourself:

“I’m so stupid”’

“I’m an idiot”

“No one will love me with because I’m overweight/too tall/too short/have bad skin/not loveable”

“I’m so different to everyone else” 

“No one wants to talk to me as I’m boring”

“I’m such a loser - everyone’s got their shit together and I haven’t”

“I’ll never get on at work because I’m a bumbling idiot”

Or alternatively, lack of self esteem may show up as:

Procrastination

Self sabotage

Unhealthy eating habits

Anger

Perfectionism

Etc etc ……

How negative thoughts become hardwired

Every word you say and every thought you think fundamentally creates a ‘blueprint’ in your subconscious mind - in effect, this way of thinking becomes hardwired. Over time, the more negative thoughts you think just reinforces your internal programming therefore you automatically and unconsciously easily fall into an ongoing cycle of mentally beating yourself up.  So the more you think in a derogatory way about yourself, the more you’ll subconsciously act in a way that corresponds with these thoughts.  

For example, if you're in a meeting and you feel like you’re stupid, you’ll potentially stumble your words, or feel so anxious that you can’t articulate what you want to say.  This only acts as a reinforcement to yourself that you are in fact stupid (which is not the case!).

Or, you feel like you're not as funny/good/chatty as friends, or colleagues - so in social situations you can’t look people in the eye, which in turn reinforces the subconscious blueprint that you’re not enough.

How to increase self-esteem

There are many ways to build self confidence and self esteem, whether it’s changing the self-talk to being more positive, or saying positive affirmations for instance.  All have their place.  However, more often than not, whilst these approaches may feel effective for a while, you may still have a deep nagging feeling that you’re tricking yourself and that deep down you don’t believe you can change.  We also don’t know why we feel this way - where did this underlying belief come from?.

This is where Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT®) comes in, and is quite literally, transformative.  Together we uncover the actual root cause of these beliefs, look at where and why you acquired them, then reprogramme your brain with beneficial beliefs.  It’s like looking in the garden of your mind, and identifying the weeds that keep growing and which suffocate the positive shiny version of the real you.  So RTT® doesn’t simply scratch the surface of the issue, rather it removes it at a deep level.

Today’s experiment:

Today, why not do a stock-take of the amount of times you engage in negative self-talk. Firstly, notice how often you do this, and secondly, ask yourself ‘why do I feel this way’?

Many of us don’t know why or where these beliefs came from, and even if you feel like you know on a conscious level (eg. a critical parent), RTT® can delve right into the subconscious and do the necessary weeding in the garden of your mind, to dig out the root cause.

Interested to learn more?  Why not book a Discovery Call with me and we can discuss how RTT® can help you become the best version of yourself.